Of Friendship

Returning back to Bangalore after completing the formalities of one of most difficult decisions in my life. It did not seem as difficult now as it seemed few months back.  But in my heart, I know it was the right decision to make. A lot of people advised me – Marriages are meant to be an adjustment, compromise between two individuals. The love that burns initially dies down after some time and partners learn to adjust with each other. A few are fortunate to find their partners complementing them very well. But what people tell me – 99% of marriages are otherwise. And they wanted me to continue with that reality of life instead of wishing for something more beautiful. After a long time, I decided to live for happiness instead of for society. Sometimes, in life, we just need to reverse some bad decisions to give ourselves an opportunity to live again.

God has blessed me with good intelligence & attitude, made me hard-working and ambitious and helped me succeed in a lot of things. I am very happy now with the work I am doing as I always wanted to work with the best in this country. My work has taken me across the globe – from Seoul to San Francisco. I am really blessed to have made some good friends along the way – And all this, without having to give up my good character. Many people congratulate my mom for all her effort in bringing me up the right way. And I will always remain grateful for that. Somewhere, over the last decade, I managed to bring myself and my family to some financial stability. Although one never knows how much is enough, I feel proud that I am giving my parents a decent living as they grow old and they do not have worry about anything.

I wanted to write this piece to describe what I learnt from the entire experience. The experience gave me time to ponder on life & what really matters once you are able to shed the burden of the “daily struggle” (described earlier). If I ever I had to really measure how successful I am, it would probably not be based on my wealth, qualifications, position/career or the things that I have done for myself or others. It came down to just two things and I want to talk about one of them here – Friendship

Friendship is one of the most beautiful journeys in life. It’s the thing that endears one to others and vice versa. It makes you want to meet, spend time with a person and share your life experiences – good or bad. And you can do all this without worrying about how the other person will take it. A true friend will never be judgemental about you and he or she is still there when the whole world walks out of your life. In its purest form, it comes with no strings attached – Give and take is as implicit in friendship as a mother loving her child. Having said that, it does not mean one can expect all the goodness without nurturing the friendship with care. Friendship makes you laugh and cry together and when you leave your friend, it makes you feel sad. I still remember having mixed feelings after spending 12 years in one school – On the one side, there was so much waiting to be done in life and on the other side, I knew I was leaving something behind that I probably may never get back. Generally, we end up focussing our efforts on the “first” side as we always know that good friends will never let you go – And therein lies the beauty of friendship. It gives us space & time to pursue what we want and if ever, we want to turn back, it’s still there. Which is why, I feel so happy talking to my friends after so many years. Friendship is much beyond what social networks can ever be. It has almost all the ingredients that God would have ever wanted human beings to have – Honesty, Respect, Mutual understanding, Happiness, Sadness, A feeling of belongingness. And most importantly, it carries the seeds of the second most beautiful event (first being motherhood) to happen in life – Love

As I went through our counselling sessions, I read the exact same thing in a magazine – Your partner has to be your good friend. As a friend, you end up sharing a chemistry which is beyond just physical attraction or some sense of duty as a husband/wife. Your partner has a better appreciation of you – your value systems, your ideas, your aspirations and everything else. Partners develop a healthy respect for the things that really matter in each others’ lives. That way, neither one has to compromise heavily on their own individuality as they continue to grow and live with each other. They find happiness in each other and are more than willing to sacrifice if needed for the other. As friends, they also share a healthy regard not just for themselves but also their respective families. That way, families don’t become more and more nuclear – more so due to lack of respect and understanding for the family member than lack of space!!

The true value of friendship comes only later in one’s life – when one’s children no longer depend on them for physical or financial help. It may so happen that the child may or may not take care of his or her parents and that is where your partner once again becomes your friend in life – He or she is willing to engage with you on the simple pleasures that you once enjoyed – prepare a meal together or play a game of carrom or just walk together to the nearby park. As I described before, Love is an event but friendship is a journey. The fire of love may die down after a while but the fire of friendship continues to burn forever. Some people are fortunate to marry their best friends while others are blessed to develop friendship with their partners.

If I just have to live once, is it too much to wish for? If I can be a good friend and make good friends, I know my life would be more fulfilling. And what better place to start than with all the friends I have had in life. All of them hold a special place in my life. May God bless me again in this endeavour. These beautiful lyrics will keep motivating me to do just that

Yaaron dosti badi hi haseen hai,

yeh na ho to kya phir
bolo ye zindagi hai
Koi to ho raazadaar
begaraz tera ho yaar
koi to ho raazadaar

Yaaron mohabeet hi to bandagi hai,
yeh na ho to kya phir
bolo ye zindagi hai
Koi to dilbar ho yaar
jisko tujhse ho pyaar
Koi to dilbar ho yaar

Teri har ek burai pe
dante vo dost
Gum ki ho dhup to saaya bane
tera vo dost

Nache bhi vo teri khusi mein

Yaaron dosti badi hi haseen hai,
yeh na ho to kya phir
bolo ye zindagi hai
Koi to ho raazadaar
begaraz tera ho yaar
koi to ho raazadaar

Tan maan kare tujhpe fida mehboob vo..
Pal ko pe rakhe tujhe mehboob vo
jiski wafa tere liye ho

Yaaron mohabbat hi to bandagi hai,
yeh na ho to kya phir
bolo ye zindagi hai
Koi to dilbar ho yaar
jisko tujhse ho pyaar
Koi to dilbar ho yaar

http://www.lyricsmasti.com/song/4847/get_lyrics_of_Yaaron-Dosti-Badi-Hi.html


							
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3 thoughts on “Of Friendship

  1. Arvind, you have poured out your feelings so well.. it just touched me. I admire your values n the courage to stand by it. I am sure you will find genuine friends in your journey of life. ….. Mom

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